Racial Audit Reflection

Esther Rodriguez

When I was asked to write a reflection on what my experience has been being part of the MFSA Racial Audit team, I found myself filled with a variety of thoughts and emotions. As I reflected more on this, I realized that this audit experience has coexisted with a lot difficult personal and corporate things. I remember early on in the pandemic it impacting how we would engage the process together, for example. The intersecting places of this audit to recent history add dimensions to this experience.

In the midst of lots of family and vocational challenges I have experienced tremendous grace from my fellow participants. I can genuinely say it has been a gift to know these persons and to be known by these persons. I am grateful for the dedication my teammates have shown for the process of racial equity. I am grateful for the kindness they have demonstrated me. I am grateful for their examples of critical self-reflection.

I have also learned so much from the process itself. In many ways I have felt affirmed – that my experiences are seen, that they matter, that they are not in my head. I have learned about the ways Supremacy Culture permeates our systems, our ways of seeing ourselves, each other, and how we operate in the church and beyond. I have learned how to ask better questions. I have learned more clearly to think about when our intent doesn’t match our impact. I have learned that racial equity is both a process and an outcome that requires lifelong effort. I am grateful for the opportunity to be part of this work with this group and I am hopeful and also nervous about how we might commit to this work that does not end simply when this intentional audit is completed.